I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize