Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
