I wish I could punch you in the face.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
