he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
