apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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