he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
