party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
