Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
My breasts were aching with rage.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
