I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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