I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
