if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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