oh god the rape fog is back!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
