hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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