just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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