it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
