yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
