Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
