Barsexuality is the new black.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
