heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
