In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
