a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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