she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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