Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
