Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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