Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
