$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
