haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
