got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
