wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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