what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize