i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
