If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Send help, water and tortillas.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
