He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
