When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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