I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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