I'm really into asian looking animals
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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