all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
