well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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