just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
