One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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