This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
