...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
