So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
