Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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