:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
