If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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