this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Is it because I queefed?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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