you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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