What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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