i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
