if only i could text you this smell
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
