I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
