Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
