I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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