Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Two words: nipple clamps
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