hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
