he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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