the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize