so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
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