You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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