you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
