saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
