He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
