Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize