I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
