I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
