Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
