You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Randomize
