you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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