the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
try to milk me bitch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
