Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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