i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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