Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
