Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
