Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize