In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
