then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
