i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
