Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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