i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
No more Irish car bombs ever.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
wow bdsm is so cute
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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