For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
