Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
