I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
