we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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