So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
