Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
