His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
