No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
