I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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