Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
