You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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