When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You can't special order awesome
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
