I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Never underestimate the power of titties
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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