Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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