why didn't you poke me back
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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