great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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