Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize