yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
