Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
