both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
