He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize