it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
