first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
