The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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