So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
