THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
