And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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