So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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