my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
