you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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