i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
