it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
