I CAN MOONWALK!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
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