At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
