he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
