so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
