i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
