I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
